This weather is why we live in Arizona, and a million snowbirds spend their winters here. It's 79 and sunny today, a perfect day to take a hike.

James, Mikey and I drove to one of my favorite places close to home, the Superstition Wilderness. It's only a 20 minute drive from home, 40 miles east of the PHX. Since Mikey has not been on the trails yet we did the easy hikes off Lost Dutchman State Park.

The Superstition Mountains are the far western edge of the 3 million acre Tonto National Forest. I've hiked here more than any other place in AZ. There are dozens of trailheads and hundreds of miles of trail. Today was a stroll in the park compared to past excursions.

One of the things I like about hiking in the desert is the fauna. Everyone's favorite is the saguaro cactus but I'm partial to the cholla cactus.

One of these nasty little fuckers got me a few years ago. In a tight spot I brushed against a cholla. I spent the next several minutes plucking needles from my arm and leg. I later learned slight contact with a cholla causes the plant to shoot needles at the perpetraitor. The projectiles are barbed. Your skin burns and itches for hours after the attack.

We stopped often to give Mikey water. Brachycephalic dogs have breathing issues. I'm careful about not over working him. He did great on the rough trails and rocks. We'll take him further next time.

It was great to get out hiking with James. It was one of our favorite activities together. It's been a long time since we hiked. When I asked him if he was interested in a hike this weekend his eyes lit up. It felt good to see him enjoying the outdoors.

Note the tags people. This will be a rant.

Have you ever had a dramatic turn around in mood in a short time that did not involve drugs and alcohol? Of course you have, it's called good news. Any time you get good news it's an upper. Positive energy comes in many forms.

In a place I did not care to be, dealing with issues I wish did not exist, I had a spiritual moment. It was an epiphany.

I was in Alma, the name of the clinic, meeting new people and dreading the fact I was starting over again. These people are stangers! Here we are meeting new people again. I've told my son's story too many times.

In the midst of this minidoctorsofficeangst a light shined over me. I can only describe it as a Monty Python cartoon. No one but Terry Gilliam could portray my epiphany of spirituality at Alma on the canvass of cartoonism. A giant hand reached from the heavens, which are just cheesy cartoon clouds, and guided me to my next role in life.

I am a mental health advocate.

Rays of sunlight beam through the passing stormclouds of life. I have found a spiritual purpose, whether I fucking like it or not. I may as well learn to like it.

WTF?.... you say. Of course you are. Didn't you already know this?

Yes, I did. But today I realized my son is not the only person I can help.

It is my goal to make Alma a better place.

There are so many names and faces involved in my son's mental health magical mystery tour. I never asked for this. I did not want to be part of the system. Yet here I am. I may as well get something out of this. I will get satisfaction.

I started taking names and fitting responsibilities to the names and faces. I asked "What's your role?" after an introduction if I didn't already know.

I'm going to make sure everyone does their job. I asked family mentor KJ for her email address. This is my best means of communication. I will attempt to manage and communicate through emails with the Alma people.

When I met Dr DR I did not get his name. This is a common problem for western people in the mental health profession. Many of your colleagues have names we can't say. My LJ friends on both sides of treatment and advocacy will relate to my Un-PC observations......... because they are real. Real is truth.

We know they're from Bombay, Mumbai or Calcutta. I have noticed the disproportionate number of Indians (and maybe some Pakistanis) in the mental health field. I suspect it's their nature of quiet understanding that makes one people better at this mental health thing.

I will not attempt to type the name of James' new doctor. His first name is much longer than his last. There are 24 letters involved in this south asian tongue twister. It starts with Dr, because he's a doctor,and his initials are D.R.

Perfect. Dr. D.R. I will call him doctor doctor.

When you're first introduced your ears translate Dr.Ramalamadingdong. When you see his name in writing his first name has 14 letters. There's a read error in your brain like your internal PC missed some translation. You can't comprehend half an alphabet in front of you. Your eyesight gets blurry. The length of the name makes it impossible to read.

........ and that's only doctor doctors first name. I may have sprained my tongue trying to say his full name.

His last name has ten letters, too many are the same, and he needs to buy a vowel.

I would like to hear similar stories of indian people in this service of humanity. They are good people. But we can make fun of their names in good humor.

The core of my epiphany, where the spirituality connects, is my realization that any effort in the aid of mentally ill people is humanitarian beyond most people's understanding .......... including those in the flawed system.

I may have to become Hindu to understand my son's needs and recovery. Then I have to take a position on Kasmir. It's too damn complicated.

Give thanks to someone this week.

I give thanks to the people from india seeking the service of humanity.

In every mental health staff meeting I attended there was a common theme, James' discharge plan. It didn't matter if there was no discharge on the horizon. The meetings were 50% what he's doing today and 50% discharge plan. One meeting was indistinguishable from the next. Minutes were taken, a record of his progress and the future outpatient game plan.

When I raised my concern about James being non-compliant, they offered to send an ACT team to our home every day to administer meds. When I said I could not work my 7:00am to 5:30pm job and provide transportation to appointments, they assured me transportation would be provided. They said they would send people to the house to monitor James' condition. It appeared there was a plan in place. I felt reasonably sure we could make this work as long as James was compliant. I made the treatment conditions clear to my son.

Everything discussed in these staff meetings is recorded. Save the trees my friends, forests are dying for no good reason.

I already mentioned the giant bag-o-psychotic-meds handed to me at James' discharge. This was the moment I realized things may not be what I was told they would be. People would come to our home to give James his meds. NOT TRUE.

Today an ACT team was scheduled to meet with James to check his condition. There was a 3:30 appointment. I reminded my son there would be people coming by the house. NOT TRUE. My phone rang at 3:35. "Where's James? He has a 3:30 appointment at the clinic." This was the beginning of multiple phone calls and vented frustration that dominated my late afternoon.

James' outpatient caseworker was at six of seven staff meetings. ACT team representatives attended the final three. The ACT team manager was at the last meeting. All the talk, the raised concerns, all the offers and assurances are worthless. NOTHING was done to set up his court ordered outpatient program. The ACT team incompetence has me in a state of shock. No one acted!

James' appointment has been rescheduled to 8:00 tomorrow morning. Fuck the transportation! I'm taking my son to this meeting. I'll take the morning off work. I will meet these incompetent fools. My questions will be pointed, cutting if I'm not in a good mood. I don't expect answers. There are no valid reasons. I don't care to hear excuses. I just want these mental health professionals to do what they say, and say what they do. No more bullshit lip service.

This is a gigantic WHAT THE FUCK?!

I wish there was more good news in my life. It is what it is.

There's a point where you can no longer help people. You do what you can, try your best, but in the end they must stand on their own. Tony's two month 'training' period is over. Guido and Dante have been over every task three times, four times, or more. There wasn't supposed to be this level of training to begin with. Tony was hired as an experienced chef.

Vito asks Dante almost daily how Tony is doing. He gets an honest answer. The boss watches over the kitchen, he knows the score and it's not in Tony's favor. Guido and Dante try to steer him towards tasks he can be successful with. It doesn't matter how simple the dish is, Tony will take two or three times longer to prepare it. At that point there's a 1/3 chance the job was done wrong.

Dante, Guido and Gianni cut Tony loose to sink or swim on his own. They see Vito's glare as he watches the clueless cook fumble over another recipe. "There's a dead man walking.", Dante said after another painful day at Cucina. "It's only a matter of time before the boss drops the axe on that skinny neck." If Tony's incompetence isn't bad enough, he has a bad habit of slacking when he's done with a job. He'll stand around bullshitting with kitchen staff if he's not kept busy.

The three men feel bad for Tony. He's not a bad guy, he's just in over his head. He doesn't seem to be learning what they try to teach. He does things his own way even when it fails repeatedly. When asked to explain what went wrong he blames everyone and everything. He'll say anything to avoid taking responsibility even when he knows no one else is to blame. "I can do this job.", he insists over and over but provides no proof that he can deliver on that claim.

"What are we supposed to do?", asked Gianni. "He doesn't know the business."

"Help him when you can but don't do his job for him. We cannot cover for him any longer." offered Dante. "Maybe he'll turn this around on his own. But it doesn't look good."

I don't know what to think about this. On one hand I'm understanding, on the other I'm doubtful and suspicious. I know this woman too well to simply take her word without considering other possibilities.

James' mom has not seen him since his release. She had plans all day and night Saturday. Today she was supposed to pick him up for lunch and some time together. She just called to cancel because she's sick.

I know being suspcious of her does not show my best side. My distrust of most things she says and does is well founded but I'm afriad I have become excessively jaded in my opinion of her. There are simply too many selfish acts, too much indiffference on her part, and a 'what can you do for me' attitude that causes me to question her actions. motives and words.

Last week Cheryl and I agreed the most difficult aspect of James being home is the fact his mom is dragged back into our lives and home.

It really doesn't matter if she's sick or blowing her son off because she has something better to do. I'm very disappointed for James. He got up, showered, got dressed and waited by the phone. Then the call came.

I had planned onl lazin' on a sunny afternoon, doing a few minor chores around the yard, smoking two racks pork ribs for dinner and not going far. I'm changing plans. James needs to get out of the house. I think we'll grab some lunch somewhere and do some shopping. He needs clothes and some odds & ends. Maybe we'll browse the record exchange........ anything to get him out.

----------------------

4:10 PM

Okay. I feel better now.

I took James to lunch at a sports bar. We watched football. I had wings. He had a burger. After that we went to Sears to get him some Dockers and a belt. We did the mall strolling thing ending at B&N. He browsed the financial books (big shocker) while I looked for Jeff Sharlet's book The Family. I bought that book.

After the mall we zipped over to Zia Record Exchange. I was looking for used CDs of music I owned many years ago but lost touch with. I picked up two Frank Zappa recordings on the cheap. I love record stores. I James was not with me I would have stayed for an hour.... a post for another time.

The pork ribs are dry rubbed and on the smoker. I'm loading my Zappa music to itunes.

James is genuinely concerned his mom has swine flu. I did not mention my suspicion. What's the point of dragging him into my state of mind regarding his mom? They've been getting along okay since he's been on meds. I will not rock that boat.

I hope she keeps their Turkey Day date.

I saw a headlne on CNN.com today that drew me in. I clicked on the video link of former teen actor Kirk Cameron giving free copies of Charles Darwin's 150 year old 'Origin of Species'. I will assume everyone understands the significance of this book.

Cameron is a hard core Christian. Why would he be handing out copies of the book that first challenged the teachings of the bible and Christianity? Why would his group Living Waters, headed by Rev. Ray Comfort, pay for the printing of 50,000 of copies of a book debunking creation in favor of evolution?

Because they're trying to undo the brainwashing of atheism.

That's their reason. Comfort claims atheists are brainwashing America's youth so his ministry is handing out free copies of Darwin's most famous, or infamous work, to college students to commemorate the 150th anniversary of it's first print. How could reading Darwin's work possibly suit their holy cause? There's a hitch.

Ray Comfort wrote a forward to their 150th anniversary edition. The ministry is giving these altered copies of Origin of Species with a 50 page introduction supporting creationism. That may not seem so terrible, but it is. In this forward they call Darwin a racist, misogynist and blame him for the rise of the Third Reich and Adolf Hitler. They tear down the character of the man before the reader can get into this theory. But it's the atheists doing the brainwashing.

This hypocrisy really pisses me off and all my monkey friends are with me.

How many atheist churches are holding service every Sunday preaching the word of Darwin? Are there schools and universities directly affiliated with atheism as there are religious schools, Catholic and Christian colleges? From K through college you can send a child to a religious school amercing them in the teachings of the bible. Is it possible to find this academic path in atheist teaching? When exactly were the atheist crusades? How many have died by the sword of godless armies intent on ridding the world of monotheism?

In my travels I find most atheists to be quiet in their non-belief. Sure, we may enjoy the debate, we might poke fun at superstition, but we're not trying to convert you to our team. Please fill me in if you know of any mass campaign to save souls by changing hearts and minds. What's in it for us? I believe atheism is about letting people observe the world, consider all evidence and decide for themselves.

Hard core right wing religious nutcases like Kirk Cameron and Rev. Comfort ignore history and reality because they cannot tolerate people thinking for themselves. They claim to be offering both sides of the creation/evolution debate by providing the altered version of Origins. The truth is they're defacing the scientific work of one man because it threatens their stranglehold on young minds who've been denied both sides of the debate by religious authority. How would they react to a forward written in the bible by atheists?

I don't believe in book burning but I might consider tearing out 50 pages of rubbish to set it afire. I'll keep the balance of the original work for what it is, the unproven theory of one man. Apparently the ideas of this one man are more powerful than a god. Why else would Christians feel so threatened to attack a scientist long dead and buried?

Fuckers!

James is home. I picked him up at 3:30 this afternoon.

I was slightly annoyed by the information blackout I was in this week. I did not hear from anyone at CRU regarding James' status since Monday. My only contact was my son calling me Tuesday and Thursday. I visited him Tuesday evening. Yesterday he told me he was being discharged today. No one from the staff called me with this news. This morning I had to make the call to confirm his release.

I was told there would be daily viist to administer medication. Not true. James and I went over the med routine after dinner. He'll be having 12 pills for dessert every evening. He took them without issue and stated he'll start dozing off after an hour.

Seventy minutes passed between meds and bed.

The ACT team will visit Monday afternoon. That same day I'll be calling his outpatient case worker with questions. I hate starting this new round with misinformation. It's a bad first impression of the outpatient program.

Who's the man?

At times Vito can be a demanding boss. He likes things done the way he likes them done. He hovers over the kitchen. Vito has always had problems with staff. A couple of guys come in late every day. One calls in sick so often coworkers are shocked he still has a job. It's hard to find good help these days. Vito is lenient because he doesn't want revolving door employees. He also has a distaste for dealing with hiring, firing and personnel issues.

Tony comes in every day, mostly on time. He works hard. The pizza man gives his best effort most of the time. The problem is, his best is not very good. He claims experience on his resume that's clearly not there. He was hired to do the job of an experienced chef, not a trainee. He's being paid well, more than his skill would garner had he been honest about his level of Italian-kitchen-know-how. When Vito sees how much baby sitting Guido and Dante must do to make sure Tony is doing his job right, he wonders if he should keep the pizza man or show him the door.

Gianni leers accross the kitchen at Tony who stands motionless, staring at a cookbook and pot full of some dish that probably won't come out the way Vito expects. Gianni is experienced, one of the long time kitchen hands. He sees what everyone else sees, a clueless Tony going through the motions. He knows Guido and Dante are covering for Tony. They like the guy even though he makes their job more difficult. He's easy to get along with. If he could just do the job he was hired to do, life at Cucina would be much better.

On a very busy weekend something was terribly wrong with the baked stuffed peppers. A few dissatisfied customers returned plates. Several others left large portions on their plate. None wanted a doggie bag. Dante noticed the issues with daily special. He inspected the dish. It looked fine. He tasted it. OMG. What the hell is wrong with my stuffed peppers? He asked Gianni to taste it. He refused. "Just you asking me to taste Tony's work tells me it's crap." Dante decides it's time to have a talk with Tony but he blames himself for not sampling the final product.

I offer only my frosty shoulder.

James was allowed to leave the hospital for one day with family supervision. Mom picked him up Saturday at noon. They had lunch, she got him a haircut, and ran some errands. From there she brought him to my house.

When we planned the day during my Thursday visit James asked what I would cook for dinner. "Surf & turf.", I replied. "Are you making the shrimp and scallop caserole?" He was very happy to hear my simple dish was on the menu for Saturday's dinner.

This may seem like an unimportant anecdote but the truth is, there is significance in my son showing appreciation. There's a major improvement in his mood, his ability to enjoy life, his willingness to interact with others and his delusions not being ever-present. The illness is still there but he's not dominated by fantasy.

His visit went well. There were no major issues with mom but I believe that had a lot to do with James being grateful we were getting him out for the day and not caring to ruin the eight hours he had with family on the outside. With James and his mom there's always something under the surface. I have 24 years of observation behind me. I can see it even when it's covered by a polite facade.

We had a nice dinner at home: grilled NY Strip, my buttery garlic seafood dish, caprese salad and warm bread. We talked about his imminent release from the hospital and returning home. He realizes I will agree to any treatment program he's assigned to including his medication and weekly therapy. He must comply to live here.

He also expressed that he will be seeking his 18.3 billion dollars the bank is currently holding. Once he has his money he'll be leaving for the east coast where his future is. At that point there will be no meds and no therapy.

When he gets his billions of dollars he can do anything he wants. I'll have nothing to say about it.

When I drove him back to the hospital there was angst in his voice as we pulled into the parking lot. It hurts to see my son feeling this way. I told him to take solice in knowing he's coming home soon.

Tuesday I have another staff meeting with his mental health team. We'll discuss his visit and discharge plan. I'll express my hope that he's ready to return home and my concern that his delusions are still very strong. My son was truly grateful for his family day and I believe this appreciation is a major step. There are many more steps ahead.

I wonder how many young Christians were snagged in our heathen nets last night.
 
I believe 95% of atheists and people of pagan spirituality have no interest in luring the hearts and minds of children to our darkness. I'm good being left alone to my godlessness. We're fine with parents and clergy performing their ritual indoctrination of young souls. The children will grow. They will someday think for themselves, or not.
 
The church on the other hand is extremely interested in luring hearts and minds to their enlightened beliefs. The love of their messiah will bring joy and spiritual fulfillment to every soul who accepts Jesus as their savior and son of God. Missionaries have been spreading the word to barbarians for two millennia. And the converters are paranoid of conversion.
 
Our Secretary of State is having a political-religious exchange with people of another culture (read barbarians) who distrust Americans. The crusades happened 800 to 1000 years ago but they're fresh in the minds of Muslims, because the clerics won't let them forget. Fear is a religious tool in all faiths.
 
The Muslims don't care if you're a Democrat or a Republican, liberal or conservative. In the eyes of the Muslim world we're all Americans, more united in their minds than our reality. They see the combination of our military and Christianity as no less a threat than the terror of the Taliban on their doorstep.
 
Hillary tried to explain why Pakistanis should rise against the Taliban and Al Queda. She painted a scenario of hordes sweeping down from Canada and taking over Montana and the Dakotas in the same manner the Taliban have captured the Swat Valley of northwest Pakistan. "What would America do?", was her question to the students.
 
.......tangent warning.......
 
I can't speak for everyone but I've been worried about the Canadian hordes. I found it funny she did not use a more likely source of an invading exodus, Mexico, and suspect she avoided that issue for politically correct reasons. I wonder if our neighbors to the north will be offended as our neighbors to the south are often in a snit when people speak of the reality we have in the southwest.
 
America has done little about the invasion from our south. We're familiar with our Latino friends. Mexicans are part of our reality. The exodus is mostly good people, hard working souls trying to make a better life. We have that in common. Sure there are some bad apples. We have drug violence on the border. But the majority are not a threat and the good news is ...... they're Christians! They can't be THAT bad.
 
The Pakistanis ignored Hillary's painting and instead focused on our predator drones patroling the western wilderness in search of bad men. They have a legitimate threat to their freedom in their backyard, the Taliban, but they're more upset about our not-so-covert war being waged along the Afghan border. Like Americans, they're more concerned about the threat from another culture thousands of miles away while they ignore the invasion from Afghanistan.

The Pakistanis have been dealing with fringe groups like the Taliban for hundreds of years. They're familiar. They're Muslims. They would like to keep the fight in the family. They have something in common, mistrust of the west. The people in Lahore, Islamabad and Karachi don't feel threatened by the Taliban, they see Americans as the invaders. Muslims believe were on the ninth crusade.
 
To them this is a holy war. If this is a holy war to average Muslims who distrust us, and it's a holy war to the nutty fundamentalist Muslim trying to kill us, and it's a holy war to our kooky fundie Christians who use 911 as the basis for all military intervention ........... then it's a holy war.

Hillary would not be in Pakistan if they didn't have nukes. The Taliban would not be in Pakistan if we were not in Afghanistan. We would not be in Kabul if the Taliban did not allow Al Queda to train there and attack us. They would not have attacked us if we didn't export our Satanic western culture. We must convert to Islam.

There's no reasoning with these people and there's no way to win this holy war. Why can't people in powerful places, like the White House, call this what it is? If religion was removed from the equation, would there have been a 911?
 
Here we are caught in the middle, not Christian, not Muslim, not giving a damn what people think about their god or the other guy's faith is his god. We can't get away from religion and the turmoil it brings to our world. I could ignore it. I often do. But every time I log on to my computer there it is, in the news, in my backyard and thousands of miles away.
 

There's no getting away from the nuttiness. It doesn't matter that I'm atheist. I don't have to seek out religion. It's right here, every day, in the media, influencing government, invading our lives. Whether we believe in god or not, we live in a world full of god and majority belief is ever present.
 
This morning I saw a link to a blog claiming that Halloween candy is 'demonic'. I didn't have to click that link but the lure was too great. The Huffington Post (not the most reputable news source) reported that Kimberly Daniels blogged on Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network (bastion of journalistic accuracy?) that most Halloween candy is "dedicated and prayed over by witches."
 
CBN has since removed the kooky blog post but Huffington provided a link to the original text.
 
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/23723-the-danger-of-celebrating-halloween?showall=1
 
It would be comical if it wasn't so damn ignorant. Okay, it's comical in it's ignorance.
 
A couple of days ago I was reading a local news site and found no fewer than four stories related to religion on the front page. I would expect this ever present religiousness from a theocratic society where the news is provided by clerics. I started a draft about the influence faith has on us, even those without faith. 

I'm not a militant atheist. I don't care for the extreme view that all reference to gods should be stricken from the public forum. A free society requires balance and good deal of reason. My primary reason for being atheist is the lack of reason in religion. When you remove logic and reason from any debate you must rely entirely on faith. I have none but I have plenty of reason, sometimes flawed. 

In the news: The Mormons are building a mother ship in my town. It will cost several million dollars to construct. I recall Jesus teaching his followers to feed the hungry. There are many hungry and homeless in Arizona. Couldn't the Mormon money be put to a more humane use? Does God require temples of worship ....... or is that a 'man rule'? Does faith require temple and ritual? 

In the news: A preacher in Tempe is calling for the death of our president. He claims God wants it so. The FBI is keeping an eye on him. The good people of his flock continue to attend his services. Where is the logic in following this man? These people surely have faith without reason. 

In the News: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in Pakistan this week having a lively exchange with our 'alllies' in Islamabad regarding the Taliban. I've followed her visit with interest, and the bombings, civilian dead, and religion. The Taliban has enough faith to kill, as does America. I'll blog about the holy war later in this thread. 

Maybe these stories simply draw my godless eye and I'm making too much of it. It seems religion and faith are always in the news. There is power in faith. Many of the faithful use their power to keep faith in the limelight. Kimberly Daniels is one of them. 

Daniels, the founder of a ministry, needed to get the message out about the traditions of Halloween and why our children are at risk. The media was happy to provide broadcast. The message found me.

I go about my daily business of being a heathen, not thinking of the god I don't believe in, only to have the believers in government, society and the media raise the issue of god over and again. I'm drawn to the noise like the moth to a flame. There's no escape. 

All of this makes me think about faith, religion, spirituality and God far more than I care to. The argument is old. I've been there too many times with the same result. 

On this Hallow's Eve Cheryl and I will dance around our black dish of 150 assorted demonic treats casting a godless spell on M&Ms, Nestle, Almond Joy, Snickers and Reeses......... just in case the witches back at the candy factory missed our bag during their pagan prayers. 

I know a lady in Arkansas who's probably doing the same dance. 

Be warned my godless friends. Kimberly Davis is on to us. 

The word "occult" means "secret." The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

• Sex with demons
• Orgies between animals and humans
• Animal and human sacrifices
• Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
• Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
• Revel nights
• Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
• Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant